Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Never Expect Anything....

I finished writing my book... this year was the year my
writing was going to take off.
I was really excited for 2013. I was expecting great things.

First off, I finished my book for NaNoWriMo in November. And by finished, I don't mean I just hit the 50,000 word mark and completed the challenge, I actually completed my manuscript. So what was next? I was going to get it edited and published.

So I had big plans for 2013. It was the year my writing was going to take off. I was going to get my book published, I have the second one in the works and I was even going to take my blog a little further and purchase my domain name. This was the year for my writing to become more of a career and less of a hobby. Not that I haven't made a few dollars from it, but I really wanted it to take off.

The other thing I was expecting... I was expecting financial freedom. Not because my husband got a raise. Not because my writing was going to start bringing in more money. But because we had two bills that were about to be paid off. Any adult knows that this is an exciting feeling. Finally, a bill being paid off gives you the potential to free up a couple hundred dollars. And I had two that were about to free up some money. Suddenly, we were going to have breathing room in our budget! I was excited. Finally we were going to be doing good. Living month to month would be a thing of the past.

Naturally... that didn't happen. Usually when things start looking good, things start quickly rolling downhill. At least for me. After all, my luck fucking sucks! Murphy and I - well, we aren't on talking terms. And someone up there probably hates me!

So then today, I realized something. I realized the root of all my problems. I expect to much. When I expect things to go as planned, they almost never do. And when they don't happen the way I expect them to, then I am disappointed.

So from now on, I am not going to expect anything. 

I did not expect that my car - which has never shown a sign of a problem - would suddenly out of no where blow up in the middle of a road trip! Why would I? Only now, I expect something like that to happen.

I am not expecting that when a company screws up our bill, that we shouldn't be the one to pay for it. After all, we are the customer and they have us by the balls. We need their services. So sure, even though I am down on luck, go ahead and shut off my power, even though the bill isn't even due for another five days and we paid them last month. After all, why wouldn't I expect the company to make it up to us for their mistake. Instead, they tell us to pay a month in advance to get everything straightened out!

It's all about the money - can't say
I blame them!
And why would I expect the people from David's Bridal to have any sympathy for my situation. I had a dress on layaway for my friend's wedding in June. I was supposed to pick it up on Monday, but with our car blowing up, that wasn't possible. When I called them to tell them about our situation, they apologized, said it would get booted from the system. Why would I expect them to be able to manually keep the dress on layaway. After all, what is in it for them? Not that it really matters, the engine blow up put us back financially. Not only can I not drive down to the store to pick up the dress (Hello - my car is in Missouri!)... but I can't pay for it either right now. Naturally, I expected the company to understand this was an extreme situation. Once again, I expected something and was disappointed. Luckily, my friend let me bow out. Now I just hope I can make it to the wedding instead.

And to top it all off, I expected that I could come home and after all the issues we have had, I would be able to relax and put things behind me. But that isn't happening either. So on top of all the stresses we have endured, I have got a sick kid home from school.

But then again, I wasn't expecting that either!


  1. I have long come to the conclusion that planning is a farce and that Fate & Karma like to remind me of their power whenever I attempt to "plan" something.

    So, instead, I prefer to look at life more like a leaf on a river. I'll end up where ever it takes me and if I try to fight the current, I'll probably sink.

    I truly hope that things get better for you in 2013. You deserve it. 2012 was a shitastic year for me, and 2013 started out that way, but things are finally starting to look up. I just wonder when it's gonna turn crappy again.

    *hugs* Great vent. :)

  2. Ugh. I know the feeling of disappointment all too well. While it's safe to expect nothing, it also can set you back into a slump. Good things WILL come.

  3. I hope you feel better after writing all this down. I feel your pain, Stacy.

    I too had high aspirations and dreams, but then it ultimately boils down to our destiny and karma :(

    wishing you peace! Hugs!

  4. Oh Stacy, my heart goes out to you and please know I am thinking about you. I truly hope things start looking up and getting better now :) :)

  5. I do hope things turn around for you and your family - I know it will get better. I always have a plan A and plan B...for when the carpet gets yanked out from under me. I have always been a planner though and I find that it helps me if I am realistic and stick with my goals, you know. Don't be afraid to reach for the stars and don't stop making great plans and expecting great things! You planned to finish a novel and you did that - top 10% of hundreds of thousands!

  6. I'm sorry that all of this is happening right now.Doesn't it seem to snowball? It does for me too. This was supposed to be our year for getting ahead a little financially too - but we found out the day before Christmas that it wasn't happening...another year of treading water unless my writing takes off. I'm hopeful but not expecting. You should be hopeful too, a least a little. You are a terrific writer and so much to offer. Hang in there. :)


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