Things I think about while I am running!

Today I decided that I was going to go for a run.... on my treadmill. I had to get this treadmill last spring when we got our taxes. It has been getting lonely. As I was running, I realized there are many things that go through my head while I am running on my treadmill. It isn't nearly as peaceful as running outdoors when you are preoccupied with nature. It's actually a really mundane task and with music blasting in the background, I need to find something to preoccupy my thoughts otherwise I am going to quit. I have never been fond of running, but it is something I do because I find some sort of solace in it.

So here are my thoughts... in no particular order because like most of my thoughts, they are mostly random things that pop up in my head.

1. This has got to be better than my original plan... which was to run to the store and buy an entire pumpkin pie and eat the whole thing before anybody even knew I bought it. It is Thanksgiving week after all and I have been obsessing over pumpkin pie for nearly a week now. However, I also know that I will be making pies in a couple of days. Those I will share. So stop obsessing over the pumpkin pie and just run already. You will fulfill your craving soon enough. Oh yeah, and you should also go for a run Thanksgiving morning so you can eat until your miserable... because who doesn't love a holiday that celebrates all things you are grateful for while practicing gluttony.

2. How many steps do I have now.... really.... it hasn't even hit 5,000. I must have been running for at least 20 minutes already. Nope, its only been 2 minutes.

3. Why did I buy this treadmill. I hate running on treadmills!

4. If I run faster it will be done faster. Nevermind... I am not really running for miles I am running for time.

5. Wait! Did I actually state to myself how long I was going to run before I got on this treadmill.

6. I kind of feel like doing a kickboxing workout. Should I get off the treadmill and do that instead?

7. I remember that one time that I actively wrote in my blog. What happened to that? Do I have nothing to say or is it just that things I have to say I think no one would care about. Is my blog so dead that no one will even stop by and look at it cause they aren't used to something being posted? I miss writing.

8. I can't believe that I am finally done with school. I have my bachelor's degree for communication now, however I don't feel any different than I did before. Now I just have more time to take naps.

9. I should read a book. Like a trashy romance novel or some chick drama crap. A fast read because I don't want to have to worry about too much of a commitment.

10. Remember how you didn't entirely commit to Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month where you write 50,000 words in one month with complete abandon) and because you didn't commit but thought maybe you should you started but never really kept up with that? You suck! But not really cause not everybody has the ability to write a book. You should get back to that.

11. Why did I sign up for another half-marathon?

12. You should run faster... click click click.... too fast... click click click... turn it down a little. Too slow. Too fast. Too slow. Too fast. Too slow. Crap! Well, this is just really good interval training.

13. Christmas is just around the corner. I probably should start thinking about that!

14. This song would make a great song for karoake. I should make a personal karoake CD so I can practice because who wants to make a complete fool of themselves?

15. How many steps am I at so far? I should probably run until I hit 10,000 so I can be lazy for the rest of the day.

16. When am I ever going to make updating my Ipod play list a priority. Seriously, who runs to some of these songs?

17. Spiderman keeps staring at me. This is why I run outdoors usually.

18. I wonder how much of a hassle it will be to get a new card for my gym membership since I lost my key chain card. I want to go sit in the hot tub.

19. If I slide the couch over I bet I could fit a bookcase over there. Then I might be able to finally unpack all my books that are still sitting in boxes.

20. I bet once I get off the treadmill, all the really meaningful thoughts will disappear and when I sit down to write them out, it will end up being nothing more than just crap that no one cares to read.

What a Difference a Month Makes - 21 Day Fix and Beachbody

I just love this!

It has been awhile since I have last written anything on my blog. There are some really good reasons and some really lousy excuses that go with this. The good reasons -- I have been working on myself and my health. I haven't really shared this information because I was afraid. I was afraid of putting myself out there; I was afraid that someone would feel I was trying to sell them on Beachbody; but most importantly, I was afraid of failing.

This meant, I had nothing good to say. You might even chalk it up to a form of writer's block. At least that is how I viewed it. I didn't want people to know. I didn't want to feel like I was phishing for compliments. I wanted them to take notice and cheer me on without me having to ask them.

My lousy excuses... I work full-time. I have a husband and kids. I have been running back and forth to appointments. This leaves me with very little time to focus on my writing, especially since I was already focusing on my health. These are lousy excuses in my book because I feel like I gave up a part of me by not writing regularly. For me, this is almost a necessity because it is who I am and what I need to do to be well balanced. Part of working on myself should include writing, as well as my workouts and spending time with both family and friends. The last time I was a success in my health, I was writing about it daily. It kept me real with myself and it kept me accountable.

So my journey began a while ago, but I am just now writing about it.

At the beginning of the year, I finally took off my rose-colored glasses and realized how disappointed I was in myself. I had let myself go, both mentally and physically. I was a wreck! Most people probably didn't even realize this because I do a really good job of wearing a mask. This is my protection. I don't let many people in.

Back in 2011, I had lost a serious amount of weight doing the Beachbody program P90X. I hated myself for gaining it all back. My skinny clothes started getting pushed to the back of my closet, and every time I went to the store, I found I had to buy bigger and bigger sizes. I blamed it on the manufacturers because it was obviously their fault and not mine. So I had signed up to become a Beachbody coach once again. Not so I could sell the product, but so I could become a discount coach and use the products myself. Yet, I continued to fail.

I was and continue to go through therapy sessions to treat my depression... something that is a whole different blog post by itself. VA finally approved my disability and I was being treated. Treatment left me completely vulnerable and the weight continued to creep up. I couldn't even find the motivation to workout and my eating habits were atrocious.

At the start of 2015, things were going to change. I was on way too many medications for depression and anxiety. I was becoming dependent and honestly, I wasn't really that happy on them either. I thought this was causing me to get fluffy. After all, I would never admit to being fat. But lets talk realistic. I was fat.

Yes - I do realize there are others out there worse than me, and when I tell people that I am fat, I often get a look of disapproval and those kind words that make things even worse, stating that they didn't know why I was being so hard on myself. So I joined Weight Watchers. I had a herniated disk in my lower lumbar spine and I couldn't work out... so I had to focus on eating. I started Weight Watchers at...(BIG SIGH!)... 198.6 pounds! On my 5 foot 7 inch frame, I was considered obese, but I hid it well. At least that was what I had been told. Saying that to myself just seems like another excuse not to be healthy. When I look at pictures now, I realize I didn't hide it well at all. In fact, I looked like a stuffed sausage. Harsh words? Maybe... Negative... absolutely.

The thing about a weight loss journey is it is a roller coaster. Not every day is going to be positive. You are going to say hateful things to yourself, things that you would never in a million years consider saying to another human beings. These are those words coming out. It has definitely been an emotional ride.

It wasn't until I had already dropped several pounds that I was able to start incorporating exercise back into my regiment. My back was finally starting to feel better... and so was my mood. No pun intended, but as the pounds melted off, I had felt a large weight being lifted from my shoulders! So I started the 21 Day Fix program.

As a disclaimer - I did not do this program as it was intended. Since I was already on Weight Watchers, a program that I was comfortable with to help me with my eating habits, I did not follow the eating program suggested by creator Autumn Calabrese, with the exception of regularly including Shakeology in my diet. I also started off knowing that I wasn't going to be able to do workout after workout for a solid 21 days. I was still being treated for my herniated disk in my lower back and I was aware that I worked long hours. I didn't want to overdo it. So, I did what I have always done. This technique has allowed me to be successful in the past... so I modified.

This program took me from February 10th until March 17th, which is approximately 2 weeks longer than the actual program. This doesn't bother me, because I am seeing positive changes.

I have done several Beachbody programs in the past... P90X is my original, but I also have TurboFire, Yoga Booty Ballet, 10 Minute Trainer, PIYO, and P90X3... but 21 Day Fix is simply becoming one of my favorites. The workouts are short, only about 30 minutes. This means it is doable for just about anybody. They also have someone that modifies the moves, and you see these modifications right from the beginning. My husband, who had his knee replaced in November 2014 is able to do almost everything in this program, with modifications. If he can do it that quickly after knee replacement surgery, anybody can do it. There are also 7 workouts. This means you only repeat each one 3 times during the entire 21 days. How can you get bored when every day of the week is different?

However, this is what I really enjoy with the 21 day fix. While Weight Watchers is helping me lose the weight, (It is hard to stand on a scale in front of somebody every week and not behave with your food!), 21 Day Fix is helping me tone up. Between Shakeology and gaining muscle, my weight loss has been accelerated. Since I started Weight Watchers, I have lost 21.2 pounds. (I have gained muscle which has caused the scale to go in the other direction, but one pound of fat takes up so much more room!) It is not an outrageous amount, however, a weight loss journey should be slow, because that means it is becoming a lifestyle change and not just a fad.

So here are my results from the 21 Day Fix... Round 1 (Measurements started February 10th)

5.8 pounds lost
1.3% body fat lost
14 inches gone

I don't know about you, but the inches is what I am looking for. I am wearing jeans from 4 years ago. (Yes - I might be a bit of a hoarder to have kept them that long, but I couldn't bare to part ways with them because they were expensive jeans!) These jeans are equivalent to the size I was wearing in High School. And you know what? They are actually getting big, even though the numbers on the scale are about 25 pounds heavier than I was in high school! I am only stating this to articulate the fact that it isn't always about the number on the scale. It is about the whole picture!

Speaking of pictures... here is the before!

Here is the after!

Can you tell the difference?

I still have a ways to go. My journey isn't even close to being done! And frankly, these pictures kind of suck! It would be easier if I didn't take them myself with a tripod. So here they are - completely raw with crappy lighting included!

Today I share this with you. I am making myself very vulnerable by posting these pictures and talking about my inside thoughts, something I haven't done a lot of lately. 2015 is going to be a year of changes. Tomorrow I start Round 2 of the 21 Day Fix, and this time I am dragging my husband with for the ride. Together as a team, not only will we both be stronger, but we will be setting a good example for our children.

As I continue with this journey, I realize I am no longer interested in just being a discount coach. I want to use Beachbody as a means to help motivate others to be successful in their own health journeys. I want to create a team who wants to work together and become stronger. Mostly though, I want to inspire others and work with them to help achieve their goals.

I am asking for your help and your support, and in return, I hope that you ask for mine.

If you want to follow my journey, please like my Facebook page Stacy Harris: Health, Fitness & Life Feel free to message me if you have any questions, because it is my aim to help others, but it is up to you to take the first step.

If you want to check out our Challenge Packs at Beachbody, visit my website or if you want more information on Shakeology click here.

Killing the Muse Inside

Thinking. Sometimes we think to much!

There is so many things going on inside my head right now. It is making me just want to scream and show the world how truly crazy I really am. Yet, I have killed my muse, and for very good reason I must add.

We have all heard of the saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

That is partially why I choose to remain quiet. I have things on my mind, but I can't say them. I need to keep my opinions to myself. These thoughts and ramblings are boiling over in my mind and causing some great anxiety. One of these days someone is going to ask the right question and everything that I have been holding back is going to come spilling out.

I am warning you - I am like a zit that is ready to pop!

So as I sit, I think. This is dangerous. And I started thinking about all those things that are killing my own personal muse. I am sure other writers out there might be able to relate. Or maybe I am in my own personal hell trying to keep my mouth shut.

School. School is killing me. Not just my muse, but me in general. I want to quit. I am not sure I can do it anymore. Yet, guilt is a sharper knife. If I breach the subject, I am told that the benefits far outweigh the pain I am currently going through. After all, when I am done, I will have my bachelor's degree. I will never again have to return to this hell hole of education again. I am smart enough. I can do it. If I keep saying it, I might actually believe it. The reality is I rather stab myself in the eye and twist it instead of reading these damn textbooks which only serve one purpose - to give me a nap after many nights of insomnia and nightmares. The same goes for the endless number of research papers I have to write that seems to pose no educational benefits other than seeing if you can properly write in APA format and find someone of experience to have said the words you want to say so you can quote them. School is the only place I can think of where you can't be smart enough to have your own thoughts. Cite everything and anything. Only subject matter experts can say something and not be questioned. I guess school is not for the opinionated and those who are educated by their experiences and not just on the words of those around us.

Work. This is a topic that I can't talk about. It's a digital footprint which leads directly back to me. If I say something offensive, this leads directly back to my job and my career. It makes me wonder if I can really say anything at all. I am judged, as an entire person. This person outside of work is not necessarily the same one that is at work. Maybe it is better to just know one and not both of these individuals. The work me is nothing like the me you might see here ready to lose her shit. As I was sitting at a meeting the other day, I realized that while I follow policy and rules, when they are brought up I like to question them. It is the devil's advocate in me. The reality is a business is a business. If they were a person with feelings, those feelings would interfere with the major thing that will make a business successful - money. It's nothing personal, but for me, I like to question why. If I were to question it, well, the consequences might not be very good.

Life. My therapist told me that if I ever felt my anxiety building up, to think of a place that I could go to in my head. That is supposed to calm me down and make me feel better. I have this place. I call it Serenity Beach. It doesn't work. Maybe it is because my brain wiring is all jacked up. I have a million thoughts going through my head all at once and so my peaceful place is being interwoven with my idiosyncrasies which make me who I am. They don't work nicely together. I have a million things floating around in my head right now... most of which I can't say out in polite society.

The reality is, these three factors are killing my muse. The funny thing is, I have never been so amped up to talk in my entire life. I just feel like I have a gag order on the line right now. Therefore... it is just best sometimes to stay silent and let the voices in my head do all the talking.

I need a 27 hour day

Sometimes, this is how I feel!

I have been gone lately. Maybe you have noticed. It isn't that I have given up on writing, I just haven't had the time. Returning to school has taken up a big portion of my time, and when I am done, it leaves my brain in a cramped up state I can't seem to even come up with the right words to put down on the screen.

I seem to be wearing too many hats lately. I am a busy body, so it isn't like I am not used to running myself past the point of exhaustion. However, lately I have been more exhausted than usual. My therapist has stated my exhaustion is stemming from the need to control EVERYTHING. Maybe she is right.

School is just one of the many hats that I wear. I am also a wife, a mother and a taxi cab driver. With my two oldest children back in school, I have now needed to get back into a schedule. There isn't an available bus system, and since my oldest daughter has moved into middle school, it also means I have to get all the kids up and ready and in the car to drive her across the city. It's only 3 miles and it takes about 30 minutes out of my morning. I am not really complaining. It is minor.

I am also attempting to work on my second book. By attempting, I more or less mean I have been actively thinking about it. I haven't had the time to work on it. I will happily say I seemed to have thought of an awesome plot twist. However, my excitement still hasn't provided the drive to actually write it yet.

I have also wanted to take more time to work on my blog. But every single time I think about writing a blog, I can't seem to find anything I want to write about. I want it to be passionate. Yet, I find myself filled with so much anger lately that I don't want to pass on my negativity to others. That leaves for many blank pages.

I have been told I need to relax. To maybe even lose control a little bit. Sadly though, I don't think that is part of my personality. I am being pulled into so many directions I am not even sure I am capable of accomplishing one thing. I feel responsible for the state of my house, for my homework, for my lack of being able to keep up with other writer's in my network. I have yet to set up what I needed to so I can actively promote my book. I published a book, but being unable to actively get it in the hands of the readers, I feel like I have failed.

To make matters even more complicated, I am attempting to get back to the healthy state I was in before all the medication complicated things. A couple years back, I lost 40 pounds. I was damn proud of myself. I worked hard and the hard work paid off. The medication had one very miserable side effect... it could cause weight gain. Suddenly, I find myself bloating back into my former self and can do nothing to stop it. No amount of exercise and no amount of healthy eating seems to combat the medication's effects. So I stopped taking them, but I still can't get back on track.

I have been told to ignore the numbers on the scale. Honestly, while seeing a good number on the scale is always nice, I don't care about the numbers. The problem is in my clothing... or the lack of clothing. In the process of gaining the weight back, my body has reshaped. Even my fat clothes don't fit right. I feel like I have a turtle neck of fat around my neck that is slowly choking me to death.

Ironically, I know the problem. I will never be able to get back to were I was and were I want to be until I stop stressing. But for someone who has always lived in the fast lane, how do you do that?

They say give up some of the tasks that I deem as "needed" to get done. They said to delegate some of the stressors to someone else. But how is that fair? I can't give away all my duties to sit on the couch eating bon bons while watching soap operas. Not to mention, that won't get me back on track health-wise either.

Yet, this is what I am confronted with: Making the decision of what I need to give up so I can stop stressing about everything. Or maybe, I can just get a 27 hour day.

I Promised I Would Blog Today...

I am not really sure what I got myself into. Yesterday I publicly announced that today was the day I might actually have time to blog.

What I should have done was keep my mouth shut.

Time to blog? More like I should have taken the day off. My mind is numb. My brain is dead. I don't even really have anything to say.

Yet, I feel obligated.

Maybe you have noticed - maybe you haven't - but I have been MIA a lot recently. I could list a variety of excuses.

Look at all those flowers!

• I went back to school.
• I was fending off the zombie apocalypse
• My garden came alive and kept screaming "Feed Me Seymour!"
• I was doing undercover work for the FBI
• I took up residency in a mental hospital

Ah... but did any of that really happen. Sure it did. I did return to school and the last class was a beast. Doesn't help that it is accelerated. I was fending off some kind of infection... I am not sure if it was the zombie apocalypse. My garden did explode... with zucchini. I promise you they aren't talking though. I can't speak about my FBI mission. And I really need a vacation so maybe I should take up residency in a mental hospital.

What matters most though is that I actually blogged today.

Did you learn anything from it?

Was I remotely funny?

Will I ever be able to get back into the groove again?

Ah - only time will tell! Now I am off to go see that doctor. 

Residency here I come!

He Forgot to Use the Safe Word!

Last week my husband and I were in Walmart picking up some medication. I had done all my research thanks to WebMD, and I was sure I was having an allergic reaction.

However, that is not necessarily what it looked like. My eye was swollen. It looked like I had been punched in the face, at least from a distance.

People were giving us strange looks. I giggled innocently as I knew my husband was probably being cursed by those who didn't have a clue what was going on. It was obvious. The look on their faces said it loud and clear.... "Really? What kind of man beats his wife and takes her out in public?"

With a face that looked like mine, I needed something to make me laugh. My husband was irritating me, constantly commenting on my inability to "leave it alone!"

Revenge was mine.

"Seriously! It is really starting to hurt. You really shouldn't hit me so hard!" I said with a smile on my face. The couple in front of us had their back turned to us, but had just given my husband the evil eye.

"Maybe next time you should learn to listen the first time."

By the time we got to the check out person, the couple in front of us was walking away as fast as they could, probably in search of a police officer to come rescue the Damsel in Distress. (Who am I kidding... this is Walmart!)

This gave us a quick laugh and we proceeded on home to lather my face with antihistamine gel. Relief was in the forcast.....

Yeah right. This is called Karma. That was last week.

The beginning of this week I started off with my left eye completely swollen shut. This was after a visit to the Urgent Care 2 days earlier and what I thought was finally the road to recovery.

I can barely see anything. My hearing is almost entirely gone as well from this severe sinus infection. With my eyesight fading, I am starting to think the only sense I might soon be left with is common sense.... and I am not entirely sure I had that to begin with.

This is obviously Karma from last week'
s short prank.

I thought it was funny. Most people should know that anybody in an actual abusive relationship, would not be in public joking about it. But maybe I shouldn't have been joking about such a serious topic anyway.

What can I say - I am an insensitive asshole. Go ahead and judge me.

This is my payback. Even though I have never been in a fight before... I look like I got a blow right to the face. My right eye is following.

Guess what, next time Karma wants to fight I am taking the first blow.

And until then, I am just going to use the excuse that my husband forgot the safe word....

I Have Nothing To Say

It seems I have used up my creative energy.

I have been actively trying to blog more, but it isn't working. I can't focus. I don't know what to write. So I sit and ponder. I play some games. I try to think so more. And then I realize I wasted all day and have nothing to show for it.

I have even used cleaning as a means to escape my head, hoping to come up with something exciting and new to write about.

That hasn't worked either.

If it did, this post might be a whole lot more entertaining than it already is. It might actually have substance. You might make to the end and think, "Now that was an AHA moment and I am glad I stayed!"

But I can't promise that. In fact, I think I am going to go clean. But my house is already clean so I can't even do that. So needless to say, I sit here with nothing to say.

Yet here is the problem. I know why my lack of writing is plaguing me. It is because I have a lot to say. I just don't know how to say it.

I have lots of things to say. I am just not sure
how to go about saying it.

I want to talk about what is irritating me, I want to talk about my book, I want to talk about my lack of motivation for my workouts, I want to talk about how my medication has made me fat, I want to talk about how I still don't trust doctors so I stopped taking my medication because I think the weight is worse for me than what I needed the medication for, I want to talk about the sleep study I had which probably won't give any results because it was the best night of sleep I had gotten in months, I want to talk about the end of school, I want to talk about the lack of bus transportation that is already causing me stress wondering how I am going to time both kids getting to school at the right time, I want to talk about how my son just dropped a whole bag of M&M's on the floor and it is driving me crazy because I know I will find a missing one
sometime down the road, I want to talk about my new iPhone 5 and how Suri doesn't tolerate you swearing at here, I want to talk about how irritated I am that Emily Owens, MD. was cancelled, I want to talk about how I taught myself Fur Elise on the Piano, I want to talk about the potential of a zombie apocalypse, I want to talk about how life really would be more enjoyable if it was a musical, and I also want to talk about how much I am missing my family and friends back home.

See... even when I have nothing to say, I seem to really have a lot to say. I just can't seem to get it all out. And until I really get out what is plaguing me, I will continue to feel like I have nothing to say.

Music Monday: Whistle While You Work

Today is a busy one. Not that there is ever a day that goes by that I am not busy. I got a massive amount of scrubbing and cleaning to do... after all, it has been neglected over the last few months. I have homework to do; end of school activities; washing my hair; working out; picking my nose and picking my blog post. Mostly though, I have to start coming up with marketing strategies for my book Mother's Day.

If you thought writing a book was hard, try getting the word to spread like wildfire. So, as I step into the beginnings of the marketing process, I am just going to have to Whistle While I Work... seems like the perfect song for Music Monday!

Theta Healing Rythm For Finding Your Perfect Weight

I have a confession. I am addicted to Self Help books, especially those that deal with other, lesser known modalities which may not be the norm in today's culture, at least the one I know.

Since I am always on the search for ways to be healthier, when I found the book "Theta Healing Rhythm for Finding Your Perfect Weight," by Vianna Stibal, I knew I had found a winner. It was a fast an easy read which kept my attention right away.

This book wasn't just about losing weight; it is about a journey within your mind. At first I was looking for a the gimmick it was trying to sell me on how to quickly lose those last few stubborn pounds, but what I found was something which has truly been able to turn my whole thought process around.

The book, in a nutshell is about finding your perfect weight by changing your beliefs. Remember though, it says nothing about being skinny or being fat. Whatever you are comfortable with is perfectly fine. The lesson in this book is found a little bit deeper. It is about finding out what kind of person you are, and loving that person regardless of what size you are.

It is common sense to realize you can't lose weight without limiting your food intake and without participating in some kind of exercise. But what if you could trick your mind and your body to thinking everything you do for it is something beneficial and good? That is what Theta Healing is about. Yet my first intention of reading this book was debunking a myth. After all, how do you lose weight by just thinking about it?

This book itself does not sit alone, even though it can be used by itself. Personally, I think belief work takes time to get used to, and this is a little on the advanced side leaving me confused at the very beginning. However, by the time I got to the end, I felt comfortable in my abilities to be able to perform a small level of belief work myself. However, author does have other books available if you would like more information on the subject.

Even alone, this book can be useful. It opens your mind up and really makes you think. It teaches you how to love yourself, love the food that you put in your body, and even trick your body into thinking you did exercise while driving in the car. Amazing? Right?

It will take time, but the power of the mind is a powerful one. How many times have you told yourself that you gain 5 pounds just looking at that brownie? Well now that you have implanted that thought into your mind, chances are good it is going to happen. But if you tell your body you can have that treat and not feel guilty, it probably won't effect you. If you tell your body to reap all the nutrients from the food you are about to eat, your body will do what it should by taking advantage of what you put in your body.

Of course, everything is better in moderation, but this book will help you get along with your body and your feelings toward food.

For me it became a personal journey. All the negative talk I have had in my head for years, has finally found a way out. I am not a new and transformed person just yet, but this book really made me think. I realize I have a lot of work to do on myself so I can become happy with who I am. And ultimately, it isn't really about weight loss at all. It is about the person inside me.

Who would have ever thought I could have pulled so much out of a book looking for a quick weight loss fix?

So if you are feeling a little down on yourself, this is a must read. It made me think hard about what I wanted out of life and let me dive in a litter deeper into my own personal feelings. But I will admit, if you are just looking for the quick weight loss fix, this isn't for you. Reading this book will not take off the pounds itself. That is something you will have to do on your own.

If you would like to purchase this book, click here to be redirected to Hay House, Inc.

FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

Elevator Music

You know the music. It plays in the background while you wait.

You wait and wait and wait until you get to the floor your looking for. The music is corny, sometimes jazzy, and usually not the type of music you would find yourself jamming to while in the car. Sometimes it plays the occasional pop song, but not to often.

So... I just wanted to let everybody know that due to family being around for the weekend, I will be kind of busy.

So for your enjoyment... Here is some Elevator Music for you to listen to while you wait for me to come back!!

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

Wordless Wednesday: Cleaning

My parents are coming to town. They are taking the long drive from Wisconsin all the way to California. I know I am crazy enough to do it... my parents are following suite.

What does that mean to me....

I need to get serious about my cleaning!

Cleaning up and getting the house ready for company!

Ok - it isn't that we are slobs. And the mess that you do see is the results of having three kids anyway. But this is what I do know. They have never seen my house before. So even if it kills me, my house will smell and look like sunshine and roses.

Until they get here. And then I will blame the mess on having company!

So if you notice I do a bit of a disappearing act for awhile... just know I will be back. I am currently visiting with the people who had crazy!

And if you would like to participate in Wordless Wednesday, check out Pictimilitude for further instructions!

Captcha - I am Not a Robot

Blogging is a lot of work!

As if it wasn't hard enough coming up with something to write each and every single time, then you have to add in Search Engine Optimization (so you can be found), and then you have to put in some pretty pictures (originals work best!) and then you have to actually write something worth reading.

If you weren't already exhausted, and if time is on your side, you should aslo try and make an appearance and comment on all the other wonderful and your favorite bloggers out there!

Yesterday I was pretty excited. I looked at my blogger stats and I have hit my highest views ever! I was particularly excited because I have had a lot of personal stuff going on lately so I have been focusing mostly on my blog posts and hoping that my lack of reading didn't effect my traffic too much. I wanted to know that people stopped by because they liked what I wrote, not because I commented on their post.

I was doing a happy dance. I was thinking.... "Wow - people like me!"

And then I realized my blogger stats just don't add up to my Google Analytics stats. Depression hits! And it wasn't just a couple numbers off, it was by 100s.

As I cried myself to sleep last night, rolling back and forth in the fetal position, I had to come to a very drastic and life altering decision. What was I going to do about this misleading type readings? Was I going to let the numbers rule my mood?

Admit it! As a blogger sometimes you are ruled
by the numbers!

A lot of the difference in numbers is probably because of the overwhelming amount of spam I have been receiving on my blog lately. Not only has it been filling up my email inbox, but it is also looking weird to those who comment after a spam comment which made no sense!

Well, I didn't want to play that game anymore. I wanted to see more accurate results. So, I turned my Captcha back on. Therefore my true readers will show through and the spammers will not get a free backlink!

Anybody who knows me knows how much Captcha irritates me. I hate it. As a human I barely understand what the heck they are writing in that irritating box just to prove I am not a robot. Sometimes it takes me several attempts to figure out the doctorlike handwriting. I sit there screaming at my computer screen...

I AM NOT A ROBOT!!

And now, after the constant bitching about other people leaving their Captcha on, I have decided to put mine  back on. Just temporarily. In the next month or so, I plan on buying my own domain. I am currently researching it. And then I will install a plug-in that will allow comments without all the hassle, but also without all the spam.

So I hope this doesn't discourage you from leaving a comment. I promise, I will try to write something epic. Something powerful. You know - just so you feel the need to leave a comment because my words have moved you in ways you have never been moved before.

Or maybe I will just continue to be sarcastic and snarky and inspirational and witty and irritating and whiney... meh what do I know. My numbers don't seem to be showing me shit anyway!

Music Monday: YOLO

I am an internet junkie.

Even so, it doesn't mean I understand all Internet Acronyms. YOLO was one of those that I just nodded my head at when everybody was using it. I didn't want to ask what it meant for fear of looking stupid.

YOLO

And now, I have openly admitted that for the longest time, I never even understood what it meant. (For those of you that are right there with me, it means You Only Live Once!)

The meaning behind it is kind of cool. It means get out there and do something. After all, why wait and why hide. Life is full of ups and downs - you should at least experience it! Go out on adventures. Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one can hear. Don't dwell on what you don't have; Enjoy what you can do! It's about the experience. It's about enjoying your time with those that do the most to accent your life. It is living like tomorrow never comes. It really is a great motto.

Although I am never one to jump on the bandwagon so I still don't really use internet acronyms. I like to be clear with what I am saying... although I will admit to an overuse of the acronym LOL.

Last Saturday night we were over at a friend's house watching a movie. The second the movie came off, we got sucked into watching Saturday Night Live. I don't remember the last time I watched Saturday Night Live. It seems to go through phases where it is really funny and other times when it is really bad.

But if it wasn't for last Saturday, I would have never been introduced to the song from The Lonely Island, featuring Adam Levine, called "YOLO"

Don't skip this video! It is hilarious! Not to mention the perfect choice for Music Monday!

Blogging For Freedom

I wasn't going to post today. It wasn't because I didn't feel like it, it was because I had a lot of tasks that needed my attention.

The dreaded laundry room!

Laundry needed to be finished and put away; I needed to run to the store (I actually mean it - since I don't have a car, my only option is to take the hike!); I needed to make dinner for a group of people tonight; I needed to make dessert (Ok - not need - that one was a want!); I needed to discuss ideas with my dad for their vacation to Southern California; I needed to pick the kids of from school; I did a couple haircuts; I needed to shower; I should have cleaned the kitchen; I should have cleaned the hamster cage; and there is probably a whole lot of should have's that I still didn't get too!

I don't consider blogging a "Should Have" or a "Need." Blogging is my freedom. It is one of the few ways I find I can sort the things out inside my crazy head. I do it because I want to, not because I need to.

Technically I could have skipped today. It wouldn't have mattered. I wonder if anybody would have noticed if I didn't show up to work. I usually don't blog on weekends unless I really have something on my mind. That is my break... and by the time Monday comes around, I am completely crazy from the lack of writing.

I blog purely for the joy of blogging. It is my mental release. Would it be nice if I could consider it a career?

Yes and No

Yes because that would mean I was making a good income and I could support my family off something I just love doing. Or maybe I could bring in enough to take these amazing adventures all over the world.

Wouldn't you love to explore a cave during an epic adventure.

And No because once I start considering this blog a job, I am going to start stressing and suddenly it is going to be all work and no longer a hobby.

Besides, if you think about it, it is already a J.O.B.... if you consider that Just Over Broke!

I don't want to have to stress over my blog. I don't want to have to worry about who is coming and who is going. I am going to do this blog on my terms. That is just how I roll. Although I really appreciate those who keep coming back!

So if you like crazy, come along for the ride. And now... I must go, my husband is calling.

We are so busy around here!

Hope everyone has a great and amazing weekend!

School Paperwork has Sucked Out My Brains

This morning had an interesting start.

I woke up to my son screaming because he wanted a drink... in the middle of the night... ok, so it was actually morning... 3 a.m. to be exact.

I figured this would happen. After all, he played so hard yesterday he fell asleep at dinner.

All that running around just wore him out!

After I had gone downstairs to fill his cup up with juice, I dragged my behind back up the stairs. The hallway was illuminated with nightlights and I could hear whimpering from the bedroom.

Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see this rodent run in front of me and across the room.

FUCK!!! Don't tell me I have a mouse!

That was, of course, my first thought. After all, our hamster had already escaped once and we had been enforcing the "Stay Away From The Cage" Policy. Not to mention I was half asleep so I wasn't really think. But after almost squishing this little rodent, I was wide awake.

Houdini.... errrr... Buddy the Hamster, is a
friendly little guy. He just sometimes likes
to come out at night to explore.

I checked the cage and Houdini...er... Buddy the Hamster... had indeed escape. I grabbed his bag of food, hoping that if I shook it, he would come out wanting food. Nope - he was a smart hamster! He knew he was being cornered and he knew he was being trapped.

I caught him before we had to deal with any sad, crying kids. However, by this time, my son decided he was wide awake and he wanted to watch a movie. Why not - after Hamster Hunting it wasn't like I was going to have much luck falling asleep.

So I got up... and I decided to start laundry, iron my husband's work clothes, make the kids lunches. It was a productive day to say the least. At least before 8 a.m.

This afternoon I went to go fill out the rest of my paperwork for going back to school. As if I wasn't tired enough. Whatever remaining energy I had, just went out the window. I feel as if my brains have been sucked out.

Now how the hell is this school thing going to work if I lost my brain?

What Do You Mean My Kid Has No Talent?

I hate politics?

It doesn't matter if we are talking about nitty-gritty government politics or just social politics.

The school out here is having a talent show. I don't remember when I was in grade school if we did talent shows. If we did, I never applied. I was to embarrassed to actually admit I had a talent others would find interesting.

I have yet to find the talent that I can actually stand up on stage and do. (For those who remembered my awesome performance mimicking Rick from The Walking Dead, I stay away from acting because I need to avoid future concussions!)

Singing makes me nervous. I have two left feet. And I certainly can't read poetry the way Mike Myers did on "So I Married an Ax Murderer."

Personally, I think anybody who gets up to try out is brave and therefore somewhat talented. Unfortunately, the rules of the talent show kind of stink and to me it just doesn't make sense.

Last year my daughter was in softball. They never kept track of the score. Why? Because they didn't want the kids to feel bad if they didn't win. So even though the kids knew, there was no determined winner or loser by the time the game ended. It was because the adults didn't want to discourage them from getting better and from trying. It was a way to let them experience all positions without feeling bad if they, well, to put it bluntly, sucked!

Hey Batter Batter... SWING!
My daughter is the one in green!

But the same rules did not apply for the talent show. In fact, they could just downright tell your kid they sucked. You were required to try out and show off your best talent. But if the judges didn't like it, you didn't make it.

Well, one of my kids made it... the other did not.

It leaves me wondering... what is the difference between softball and talent shows?

Admit it, you want to see that talent!

The kids trying out for the talent show are at the oldest, in fifth grade. Isn't that a little too young for them to be told they are not talented, hence why they didn't make it in the talent show?

Now I understand if a kid thinks they can go up on stage and pick out a big juicy booger and say "Treasure Finding" is their talent.

First off, I bet almost every kid has that talent... and secondly, no one really wants to see that.

But what about those that want to go up and sing. What if they ALL want to sing? If they don't impress the judges they don't get through. But what if that is all they feel comfortable doing? Maybe this is them trying to break out of their skin and do something they are uncomfortable with?

I know my children are talented and I don't need a talent show to tell me that. They are both so talented in so many ways. They can both sing, they are both learning the piano, they are both smart. They both look at the world through a different set of eyes. But they are still young and they are still developing those talents.

My daughter practicing on the piano while we were getting ready to
go on vacation.

This could very clearly be evidenced by the choir and band concerts kids put on in the early years. Sure, everybody tries to put on their proudest face when the recorders start squawking and the band is all playing a different version of Hot Cross Buns and the choir is so quiet you can't even hear the song to begin with. But we all have to start somewhere!

I just hope in a world where it is ok not to keep score in baseball, but telling a kid they are not talented enough for a school Talent Show, doesn't keep these kids from trying and exceeding to the best of their ability.

After all, we are the ones building the kids up to the future. And if we break them down and make them think they aren't good enough, what kind of future are we making? I also understand not all kids can participate in everything, but there has to be a better way.

I would much rather bring a pair of ear plugs as I smile and encourage that child to keep trying then to go ahead and tell them they weren't good enough to begin with!

Writers Are Crazy

I know, I know... it is like calling the kettle black.

For only a dollar, you can make every night a Redbox Night!

Oh the irony of the Undiagnosed Mad Woman to be claiming that writers are crazy. Just think about it for a minute.

***

Yesterday, I got a text message to save a few pennies on Redbox. So naturally, since I needed to go to Walmart to find some toasted marshmallows, it was the perfect scenario to pick up a movie while I was there.

We made it a Redbox night.

As I was browsing through the movies without my husband's assistance (my husband is the movie buff. He knows every actor and what they have played in even in their previous lives! I can identify Brad Pitt!), I decided to pick out a scary movie.

Who is that guy??
Oh I know - That is Brad Pitt!

Surprisingly, this is a pretty hoping Redbox location and everyone must have gotten a coupon because there wasn't much of a selection - that I was interested in anyway. So, since my husband is always begging to watch these scary movies and I usually prefer romantic comedy, I finally decided to get a horror movie of his dreams.

Maybe that was a bad decision. I recognized the name of the movie... and I could have sworn my husband said he wanted to watch it. So, with delight, I handed him my Redbox copy of Sinister.

Ok, so some people probably think I am whining like a baby. It scared the CRAP out of me. Not to mention, I have never seen my husband so... disturbed by a movie. Yet, I wouldn't let him shut it off. I was already invested and now I wanted to know what happened.

So last night, after some anxiety meds were taken, we went to bed with the lights on. And this morning I woke up with one very strong thought...

WRITERS ARE CRAZY!

Doesn't this picture say crazy writer?

I think it is a necessary state of mind really. You want to come up with an idea that captivates people; that throws them off the trail; that makes them feel something... anything... whether it is good or bad! I think every writer is a little crazy, just maybe they don't openly admit it. But they have a talent to take something and twist it to the point where you can't turn away.

So after the movie yesterday, I had to wonder, "How did this writer come up with this idea?" Was this something that stemmed from a childhood nightmare? Is this something stemmed for real life situations? I don't know. I don't think I am crazy and twisted enough to come up with something so twisted.

Then again... after reading 50 Shades of Grey I started wondering the same thing about the sanity of writers?

We are all crazy as writers... I guess it is just the level and plane of crazy we are willing to explore and expose!

The Angry Bird They Never Talk About

It is a privilege for me here at Ramblings of an Undiagnosed Mad Woman to introduced another fellow blogger and crazy person to my audience, Terrye over at The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan. Today she has taken over my blog. Tomorrow she might take over the world. To guarantee your safety, you might want to check out her blog (after you are finished here of course) and give her some loving. She promised she wouldn't "BAAAAA" at anyone if I sent them her way!

Every family has at least one that no one dares talk or even think about. Some of them have spent years in the dankest jail and when they get out, they are continued to be shunned by their very embarrassed family. 

Others are just a little too weird for polite society and are locked away in the basement or attic when company comes over to keep the wackos from drooling on traumatized guests. Only to be allowed to roam on special occasions like Halloween and Stacy’s birthday.

Only on Halloween and my birthday
 are the Crazies allowed to come
out and play.

Who are they? 

The notorious black sheep of the family. Even the Angry Birds have a one they never, ever talk about. But I’m going to introduce you to the bane of the Angry Birds family. 

Meet Chartreuse Bird. And he is one bad hombre! What has Chartreuse Bird (CB) done that is so heinous and God awful that the mere mention of his name sends Bomb Bird to implode and Red Bird to start quacking like a duck?

Introducing CB. He may look cute and innocent,
 but believe he is not

Well, rumor has it that a number of years ago, CB was vacationing in the faraway lands of Great Britain. While he was taking in the glorious sights of romantic castles, the stunning White Cliffs of Dover, and lifting a pint or twelve, he was introduced to the local custom of sheep molestation using goat intestines as condoms. What else is there to do in the small town of Goat Nutsack, England?

He became so obsessed with mistreating the local soft and fluffy livestock that the local authorities had to take immediate action. The sheep were offended at being violated while sleep deprived humans lay there trying to count them hurdling fallen logs. The goats were appalled that their trusted farmhands let slip the ancient secret and that their numbers were quickly being decimated. After all, it’s usually customary to remove the intestines from the goat before crafting a condom, unless you’re a little slow and the goat is more than willing to act as your surrogate. Something had to be done about CB; he was neither slow nor allowing anyone to step in for him.

Nothing says loving more than a sheep in sexy clothing.

Notices were placed in the papers and plastered on sides of buildings, begging for a savior or at least someone ballsy enough to step forth and end the evil scourge let loose upon the land by CB. Hefty rewards were offered. When no one came forth, the rewards were doubled and then tripled to no avail. The frightened farm animals cowered and waited. And waited and cowered. Then cowered and waited some more. Eventually, there were so few goats left that they were taken away in unmarked cattle haulers and placed into the ultra-secret Goat Protective and Dry-cleaning Service.

There's no crying in beer!
No really, it makes it taste bad!

With all the goats safely relocated, the sheep soon discovered to their amazement, that they were no longer being mistreated while entertaining lonely insomniacs. The ewes and rams alike let out a collective sigh of relief. Life slowly returned to normal for the sheep. The farmhands, however, spent more time in the local pubs, crying into their ale, singing songs of mourning for their missing goat friends, and retelling the horrors of the now infamous Chartreuse and very Horny Bird.

Foreigners on holiday in the lovely town of Goat Nutsack might balk at the tall tales of a crazed and Angry Bird occasionally spotted performing random acts of bestiality upon hapless quadrupeds. But the locals are quick to whip out volumes and volumes of photographic, if not p0rnographic evidence. Many a tourist has lost their lunch when presented with the overwhelming and stomach churning proof.

Some believe that CB eventually returned to his home with the rest of the Angry Birds to wreck havoc upon the snarky, smiling green pigs. Others believe that CB is actually hiding among the pigs and that’s the incident that originally sparked the hostility between birds and pigs.  The Angry Birds wish to punish CB for his indiscretions while the pigs, being piggish, chortle and steal eggs.

No one outside of the Angry Birds is privy to what incited the greatest feud since the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s. And if anyone does know, they aren’t talking. They are probably scared to death that CB will show up on their doorstep late one night with a bawling goat tucked under his arm and a smarmy smile on his bright yellowish green lips, holding a sheep costume in their size.

Now there is only one last thing to say, after reading about this controversial topic brought to you by Terrye over at The Misplaced Alaskan.... Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow... when I resume my normal blog of crazy!

Music Monday: Leader of the Pack

My husband and I don't have similar tastes in music.

But there is one thing that can be said for sure about my music selection, there is a little bit of everything on it for everyone. Just not everything for everyone to like unless you are me. Chances are good, one of the songs will surprise you! Some of them may even take you back a little.

What can I say, my music taste is eclectic!

So this weekend, we decided to take some big action on the house that I have been neglecting. It might be because I have been busy writing. It could be because I am constantly getting distracted from that damn Misplaced Alaskan! Not blaming... just stating the facts.

So, I decided to do my cleaning to some grooving music. My music of course.

I need a smaller house... and less kids!

We were rocking it out and my husband was even pleasantly surprised that I had some "good" songs on my Ipod. Well at least according to him! I personally think they are all good. He might disagree when The Barbie Girl song comes on. (Yet I know he secretly jams to that when no one is looking!)

So here we are, enjoying a little hard work and elbow grease when a song comes on. It was an oldie but a goodie.

And he looked at me and said, "Really?"

"Yes, really! Why not?"

"This song?"

"What's wrong with this song?"

"Doesn't it make you always want to go like this?" He said, putting his hands up and revving the engine of his imaginary bike.

Man, just because I like oldies doesn't mean I am weird.

However, please enjoy today's Music Monday selection from
The Shangri-Las - Leader of the Pack!

Google Stalking

Since I am anxiously and not patiently waiting to hear feedback from my Beta Readers for Mother's Day, I realized I needed to do something to take my mind off the book. So, I decided to write another one.

And I started thinking... don't worry
I didn't injure myself to much!

I know, I know. Didn't I say I was going to start that awhile ago. Yep. And then I get distracted. I get distracted easily you know.

But it is all part of the creative process. You see, I have been thinking. Thinking a lot about the story and trying to come up with different scenarios that would work before I sat down and really started writing. After all, I waste enough time between Facebook, Twitter, and Blogging. I didn't want to waste time on a book that I couldn't fully flush out.

And then out of nowhere, I got another idea. It involves love, it involves death, it involves.... zombies! 

Yes, I decided to take the trend of zombies and run with it. Think of a story and really flesh it out! (Pun intended!)

It could be worse... I could have went with sparkly vampires!

The real reason they don't go out in the sun. They sparkle!

So needless to say, I have been doing some research. This manuscript doesn't have as much dialogue. I have good reason for that. This manuscript is also from a first person point of view. There is also a reason for that. But I need details. I need to find the inside story. I need to get inside this persons head and there house.

So I did the ultimate bad deed. I went further than I have ever gone before.

I Google stalked.

I knew the area I was referencing for the setting and I wanted to make sure I was being somewhat accurate, even if it is a fiction book. And I found a house. I found my character's house.

I feel in love with the look of it. There is only one problem.

I am a writer... not a architect. So until I figure out the floor plan of the inside... I am kind of stuck. Maybe I should have taken a different route. Find the floor plan and then describe the house.

Wouldn't you like to live here.?
It seems so cozy!

Oh well, hind sight is always 20/20. 

But I absolutely love the house - Don't you? It just feels quaint and like home.

I think my character will like it too. Now hopefully she doesn't end up walking into an imaginary wall!