Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I Promised I Would Blog Today...

I am not really sure what I got myself into. Yesterday I publicly announced that today was the day I might actually have time to blog.

What I should have done was keep my mouth shut.

lips sealed, close your mouth, stop talking

Time to blog? More like I should have taken the day off. My mind is numb. My brain is dead. I don't even really have anything to say.

Yet, I feel obligated.

Maybe you have noticed - maybe you haven't - but I have been MIA a lot recently. I could list a variety of excuses.

gardening, garden explosion, feed me seymour
Look at all those flowers!

  • I went back to school.
  • I was fending off the zombie apocalypse
  • My garden came alive and kept screaming "Feed Me Seymour!"
  • I was doing undercover work for the FBI
  • I took up residency in a mental hospital

Ah... but did any of that really happen. Sure it did. I did return to school and the last class was a beast. Doesn't help that it is accelerated. I was fending off some kind of infection... I am not sure if it was the zombie apocalypse. My garden did explode... with zucchini. I promise you they aren't talking though. I can't speak about my FBI mission. And I really need a vacation so maybe I should take up residency in a mental hospital.

What matters most though is that I actually blogged today.

Did you learn anything from it?

Was I remotely funny?

Will I ever be able to get back into the groove again?

Ah - only time will tell! Now I am off to go see that doctor. 

Residency here I come!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

He Forgot to Use the Safe Word!

Last week my husband and I were in Walmart picking up some medication. I had done all my research thanks to WebMD, and I was sure I was having an allergic reaction.

However, that is not necessarily what it looked like. My eye was swollen. It looked like I had been punched in the face, at least from a distance.

People were giving us strange looks. I giggled innocently as I knew my husband was probably being cursed by those who didn't have a clue what was going on. It was obvious. The look on their faces said it loud and clear.... "Really? What kind of man beats his wife and takes her out in public?"

With a face that looked like mine, I needed something to make me laugh. My husband was irritating me, constantly commenting on my inability to "leave it alone!"

Revenge was mine.

"Seriously! It is really starting to hurt. You really shouldn't hit me so hard!" I said with a smile on my face. The couple in front of us had their back turned to us, but had just given my husband the evil eye.

"Maybe next time you should learn to listen the first time."

By the time we got to the check out person, the couple in front of us was walking away as fast as they could, probably in search of a police officer to come rescue the Damsel in Distress. (Who am I kidding... this is Walmart!)

This gave us a quick laugh and we proceeded on home to lather my face with antihistamine gel. Relief was in the forcast.....

Yeah right. This is called Karma. That was last week.

The beginning of this week I started off with my left eye completely swollen shut. This was after a visit to the Urgent Care 2 days earlier and what I thought was finally the road to recovery.

I can barely see anything. My hearing is almost entirely gone as well from this severe sinus infection. With my eyesight fading, I am starting to think the only sense I might soon be left with is common sense.... and I am not entirely sure I had that to begin with.

This is obviously Karma from last week'
s short prank.

I thought it was funny. Most people should know that anybody in an actual abusive relationship, would not be in public joking about it. But maybe I shouldn't have been joking about such a serious topic anyway.

What can I say - I am an insensitive asshole. Go ahead and judge me.

This is my payback. Even though I have never been in a fight before... I look like I got a blow right to the face. My right eye is following.

Guess what, next time Karma wants to fight I am taking the first blow.

And until then, I am just going to use the excuse that my husband forgot the safe word....

Monday, July 1, 2013

Music Monday: You're so Vain

I never really considered myself a vain person. Not that I thought I was ugly or anything. But then again, who really does?

swollen eye, allergic reaction
My left eye is almost
completely swollen shut. It
looks like I got into a fight!
Guess what? Lately I realized how truly vain I am...I can't stop looking in the mirror!

All it took was for me to go through some medical issue I can't explain which causes some severe rash to cover my face and swell up my eye.

Believe me, this is an improvement to the oozing scab from last week that will probably leave a permanent scar on my face.

It has already been 3 visits to Urgent Care and the doctors have no clue what is going on. I thought it was an allergic reaction. Now I just think the zombie apocalypse is starting with me!

That is why today's song that is stuck in my head for Music Monday is....

Carly Simon with "You're So Vain!"

Hope you enjoy... I am off to the Emergency Room. This really is turning out to be a crappy summer!

Virtual Mirror